When life gives you lemons...

When life gives you lemons...don't suck on them. That's my new mantra. I don't know about making lemonade all the time. It can be hard to make lemonade, if you know what I mean. It is so much easier to complain, point fingers, and have a pity party when things don't go our way. I guess I have to stop sucking on lemons...The semester is finally over and I can honestly ask, How on Earth did I get here? I have the world's most amazing husband and support group- that's why. I have doubted myself and my ability to accomplish some things in life in the past and now that I am getting so close to realizing one of my dreams I cannot help but to feel grateful for the blessings that I have been given all along. I have been blessed with a wonderful companion, a healthy and lively baby girl, and excellent parents, siblings, and an in-law family that is just amazing. So instead of wishing that things were different, wasting time being sad over things that I can not control, wishing people were more genuine and calid, I should just grab a good book and pour myself a glass of lemonade.

Abuelito Enrique

Really-where does time go? Kamila will be turning one in just two months. Our 3 year anniversary is in a little over a month. How I love that man that I met 4 years ago. He keeps me going, keeps me grounded and sane. He makes everything worthwhile and makes me feel like everything will be alright when things crumble around me. These past two months have been ultimately busy to put it lightly. Student teaching for this semester began mid-March and my sweet mother came to our rescue to watch Kamila as I was teaching from 7:30-3 and Chip working from 2:30 p.m. to midnight. Needless to say that without her I literally would have lost it. Actually, I think I kind of did. I'm sure I could have been nicer and of a brighter and warmer demeanor but stress and sleep deprivation does tend to get the best of me (not giving excuses). (Mama, si lees esto quiero que sepas cuanto te amo. Perdoname por no demostrartelo como deberia. Estoy aprendiendo a ser mas como tu. Te amo tanto.)
Just as field was coming to an end, my dear grandfather passed away Friday morning, March 26th. My mom, Kami and I immediately made plans to fly home the next morning. I am the kind of person who will constantly beat myself up over things I should have done or said. This situation was no exception. My heart was in pain, thinking about all the missed moments, missed phone calls, missed visiting opportunities that I didn't cherish or take the time to savor. I know that my grandfather is still my grandfather and that he is watching over me. I know that he knows how much I love him. I do not know how people who are not of my faith cope with death. I know that there is a plan, called the Plan of Happiness, that allows families to be together forever. Without this knowledge, death really can be tragic. My grandfather died of brain and prostate cancer after a short, but painful battle. I was not able to say my "last" goodbye. I felt an impression to call him the night before his death but decided that I was not strong enough to hear an update on his health and trusted that there would be another chance to do so. That chance never came...because it was given to me and I didn't take it. As I saw his body lay before me, I felt him comfort me and tell me he loved me. I was able to recognize that that was just a body and that his spirit awaits our reunion just as much as I long for it.
This year has been nothing short of trials and heartbreak, but at the end of the day, I give thanks for the happiness and many, many blessings in my life. I am grateful to be part of the restored gospel that holds the only authority to seal families forever. I am grateful for the promises that I have made and been given in the temple. For those who are not familiar with my faith, you can click here and here for an explanation on temples and the Plan of Happiness. I am grateful to know that happiness is not "until death do you apart"... but that happiness is forever.

Little Stones

I remember the days when I used to keep a journal and suddenly I feel the nostalgia of having a confidante that will only listen; I can express thoughts, feelings, anguish, preoccupations, glee, whatever it is that is consuming me without having to worry about how things will be said or taken, without having to worry about any judgment. Maybe I should start writing again. Sadly, I am either too lazy or maybe technology has robbed me of the desire to grab the old pen and pencil and jot down these impressions. I will justify feeling this way by thinking that I am at least recording my experiences. Maybe it would be ok for this blog to be my journal for a while...
This week has been eventful to say the least. My "eternal roommate" had another birthday; Kamila has started rolling over and clapping, signing for "more", waving goodbye; my sweet and dear friend Alex returned from a mission in Guatemala today; the earthquake in Chile has brought so much pain and devastation shortly after our brethren in Haiti were afflicted, just to mention a few things. At times like this, my heart breaks as it experiences bittersweet moments of the thing called LIFE. Many blame God for so much misery. I feel very fortunate and blessed to never, ever, ever have thought that God is one that instills misery and pain in his children's lives. I can not fathom the justification in this postulation. There have been very bumpy times in my life where I definitely have felt alone, like the earth under my feet shakes and I have nothing to hold on to.However, whether I was able to recognize it at the time or not, there was always something there to hold me up. I have no doubt in my heart what that something is. I only wish that the people whom I love and care about were able to feel and recognize this same something. It is so easy to dwell on the life we wish we could have, on the way we wish things could be, on things we don't have, on who we are not. A couple of months ago, a stake presidency member visited Relief Society and in a very unusual way, just had a heart to heart with us. He reminded us that we were truly daughter of a Father who is a GOD, who loves us the way that we only get a glimpse of in this mortal life. I think of the time that Kamila was help up before my eyes for the first time and I felt that my heart would literally burst of happiness for it was not possible to be able to feel so much and so deeply in a fraction of time. It is truly amazing to know that my Father loves me way more than that. We were also told that we, as women, tend to over-analyze life. He counseled us to "not pull out a beautiful and growing flower just to look at the roots". This thought has since then sporadically revisited my mind, always reminding me to let things take its course, to have faith, and to appreciate my blessings instead of questioning whether my flower is beautiful or not, growing or not. The only thing that will happen when the flower is ripped out to be checked on, is that life will be ripped out of it. Life can definitely be hard, but it is also definitely worth it. It is full of stumbling rocks which, if handled correctly, will be like small stones instead. I love music. I think there will definitely be music in Heaven. Music may just be the most powerful worldly source of comfort in my life. I am grateful that music can help bridge the earth and heavens...at least it is for me right now.

"River God" by Mindy Gledhill

Rolling river God,
little stones are smooth, only as the water passes through.
So I am a stone, rough and grainy still
Trying to reconcile this rivers chill.
But when I close my eyes, and feel you rushing by
I know that time brings change, and change takes time.
And when the sunset comes,
My prayer would be this one:
That you might pick me up and notice that I am,
just a little smoother in Your hand.
Sometimes raging wild,
Sometimes swollen high,
But never have I known this River dry.
The deepest part of you
Is where I want to stay.
And feel the sharpest edges wash away.
And when I close my eyes
And feel you rushing by,
I know that time brings change
And change takes time.
And when the sunset comes,
My prayer would be just one.
That you might pick me up and notice that I am,
just a little smoother in Your hand.
Rolling River God,
little stones are smooth
only once the water passes through.

Para Tio Ariel...

Happy Birthday Chip!

I won't say how old Chip turned because I believe that after a certain age you don't tell what number birthday it is :) Chip's birthday was on Saturday, February 27th but we decided to celebrate with family only on the 26th. We went out to P.F. Changs with our cousins and had such a good time. I will miss the girls and the husbands so much when we leave. It is always such a blast to catch up on pop culture, politics, and our life's quirky moments. The girls talked about the Bachelorettes while the guys talked about how lame we were for watching the show. I love it! Then on Saturday, we celebrated his birthday at Pirate Island which is a pizza/arcade restaurant with some of his closest friends, some of which he hadn't seen in several years so needless to say it was very pleasant for Chip to catch up with them. Like always, I forget to pull out my camera until the night is almost over. These are the only pictures that I have; I will have to ask some of our friends for their pictures. Kamila was given a little bite of the delicious chocolate cake that Mel made and boy, was she hyper! She did not want to stop eating it and got very angry when I would not give her anymore. She was also very taken by the glimmering candles on Chip's birthday cake. Chippy, may you have many, many more memorable birthdays. We love you so much!

7 months and counting...

Little Miss K is 7 months old. Already. Sigh. She is growing up too fast. I often just pause the clock in my own little world to stare at this beautiful little soul and analyze, memorize, and treasure her little features: her cherub nose, her twinkling eyes, her delicate mouth, her rosy cheeks. Kamila, you are the the most beautiful gift that Heavenly Father has ever bestowed upon me. You have definitely changed our lives. We love your sweet and tender spirit.

More February crafting...

I think I'm addicted again. When Chip and I first got married, I would spend most of my money on decorations at Robert's which payed off because now I have a not-too-shabby arsenal of cute little things to put up year round. However, now that I am realllyyyy trying to be frugal and not so conspicuous with my spending, I am trying to make my own decorations and I must say that I l-o-v-e it. I could craft all day, every day. It is so nice to just do something without having to think about anything but what you are working on that moment. I get so busy with being a mother, wife, school, and ME (in that order) that when I get a chance to do something totally selfish (in a good way) it is so refreshing. I only wish that I could do it more often. Maybe I will learn to manage my time more wisely so that I can become the SuperMom that I want to be for my beautiful little angel. By the way, she is now 7 months! Crazy!!! Where does time go? I will be posting pictures of her tomorrow I hope. If not, I will on Friday after she has a photoshoot with my friend Heather (which I am so excited about- she does the cutest baby pictures!) I digressed again...where was I? Oh yes. Crafting. I made this wreath. I think it's pretty dang cute. What do you think? Now I need to figure out what to make for March.....