Do It Anyway

I hate that I am a people-pleaser. I really do. I wonder when I will reach my breaking point; or perhaps I already have. If feeling like I should please everyone around me and like it is my responsibility to be the appeaser weren't quite draining enough, on top of it I feel guilty for feeling like I should be ok with these self-fabricated and imposed responsibilities.

For once, I would much enjoy to not have to turn the other cheek; to not have to apologize for something I didn't do, to someone who is upset because they feel entitled to an apology and like it is their prerogative to be easily offended by things that have nothing to do with them. This "loving your enemy" thing is hard...to put it lightly.

I wonder if it is selfish and foolish of me to long for a sincere apology when I have been wronged, for empathy when I make a mistake, or for a simple thank you when I have gone out of my way to show someone how much I care. I am having a hard time finding the energy I need to do all I can to be who I have always been and not care about how others deceivingly portray me to be.

Maybe I just have to Do It Anyway.

Do It Anyway ~ Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis
it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.

A Song, A Piece of Paper, and An Answered Prayer

For the past couple of years of offering supplications that don't stray in their context, we have wondered when things were going to change around here. When we found out Kamila was on her way, we were overwhelmed with thoughts such as "How am I going to finish school and care for a baby?" and "Who is going to watch Kami while I am at school and Chip is at work?" and "CAN WE DO THIS?".
At the time, Chip was working part-time and so was I and things just worked. Then a baby was on its way and Chip was offered a full-time position that would provide for our family with what we needed and more than anything, stability. He took the job but nevertheless, it came with sacrifices such as Chip having to work every Sunday, which we obviously were not content about. Kamila came and changed our world, in every good way.

Kamila, you will never know the magnitude of the love we have for you and the impact that you have had on our lives.
We have experienced miracles since your arrival. That is not to say there have not been obstacles and trials, but we have always been given the strength and enlightenment to overcome them.

Today, what seemed like an eternally unanswered prayer was answered. Chip was offered a job with better pay and a schedule that will allow him to be home evenings and weekends. I am thrilled that I will no longer be alone with Kami during sacrament meeting :)


Upon hearing the good news, I took a minute to reflect on how blessed we are and how much I feel the Savior's love for me, for my family. I am not the only one, I am sure, who has had very dark and challenging times in my life. However, I feel like I have been given an innate gift of trusting the Lord to always take care of me and not panic, just trust in Him. I have often wondered why we aren't where we projected to be by now 4 years ago. I still don't know the answer. All I know is that He knows where we want to go, and He will help us get there, in His own time, IF we let him take the wheel.
So, here I am, enveloped in gratitude for witnessing His tender mercies, looking at a white piece of paper with shiny green letters and feeling like the luckiest gal in the world. Anything is possible if you just believe.

P.S.- Ever heard a song and felt like your name should be in the title followed by "Life Story At The Moment"? I have. It may not necessarily resemble my life to a tee, but the gist is right on. I love it! It is my new happy song, ironically.

Mushaboom by Feist

Helping the kids out of their coats
But wait the babies haven't been born oh
Unpacking the bags and setting up
And planting lilacs and buttercups oh

But in the meantime we've got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

Old dirt road,
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
knee deep snow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow
(mushaboom, mushaboom)
o-o-o-o-old

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house oh
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done oh

How many acres, how much light
Tucked in the woods and out of sight
Talk to the neighbours and tip my cap
On a little road barely on the map